As Is

If your life were to remain exactly as it is right now, could you be happy with that? Now, this isn’t to say that you’re 100% happy with every little aspect. It doesn’t mean you aren’t actively working to change some things you would like to improve. And it also doesn’t mean you have no hopes or dreams. Being OK with your life as it presently is, is one of the key secrets of God (let go, let God).

My fear with accepting my life ‘as is’, was the thinking that if I find contentment in my current life, I will be telling God, ‘yo God, I’m content with my life staying as is forever so don’t send any more awesome things my way; I’m not striving for anything better’. But this is actually how you get amazing things/experiences/fill-in-the-blank to be sent your way. Bear with me.

The past few months have been one of the darkest periods of my life and trust me, there’s been plenty of dark moments in my past. This darkness consisted of thinking about dying Not wanting to live, wake up, do anything, no energy to care. Questioning the meaning and purpose of life non-stop, mind running amuck, feeling as if I was crawling in my skin (cue Linkin Park), giving up. What this incredibly painful darkness did for me was forced me to give up. I couldn’t positive think my way out of this hole. I couldn’t pretend to be grateful for things in my IMG_5538life when I didn’t feel that way. I couldn’t gather up enough energy to do more than the basics to survive. So I threw up my arms, said F it, I give up. This is my life now, it’s always going to feel this bad, I’ll always end up in these holes. I didn’t even have the energy to resist those feelings by trying to make them go away or stuff them down by putting on a fake smile. All the while, the little flame inside softly whispered that nothing lasts forever no matter how eternal the pain feels while it’s happening (this too shall pass). Fed up with the world, God, everything (except my cats, they are purrfect), I hit a breaking point, nearly having a meltdown at work which encouraged me to talk to my manager about alternative work arrangements. All it takes is asking for what you need, for real. That’s the first step. Ask yourself what you need and then have the courage to ask for it. The worst that can happen is you get a No, but then you’re not left wondering what if I had asked, further causing unnecessary anxiety. What if you get a Yes? With this mindset of ‘I give up, I have nothing left to lose so I might as well start asking for what I need’, I asked and I received. With the new arrangement to work from home one day a week, I am feeling more peace, ease, strength and have been using those days to go to therapy. I’ve tried out a few therapy styles/therapists since my Mom died but never really connected with any of them. I’m glad this darkness pushed me to keep looking for help because I finally found the right help and it’s making all the difference. And for those of you, which included me, that think seeking help is a sign of weakness, you couldn’t be more wrong. Seeking help is the strongest thing ever because it means you want to live and make life feel and work better for you and in effect you feeling better also benefits those around you. Weakness is being too afraid to ask for what you need. Or thinking you need to do it all alone.

One small ask, working from home, lead to finding the right therapy which lead to understanding what it means to be content with the current moment. Being content with everything as is, is what leads to bigger, better things coming your way without any effort on your part. Because when we are truly in that space of ‘you know what, everything isn’t perfect. My mom is still dead, my job isn’t my passion, I’m not with the man God may have for me, I want to live in another place but hey, I love my home, my city is cool and has what Ipositive need, I have a few unconditionally loving/supportive people in my life, my car gets me where I need/want to go, my job is fine, I have these beautiful cat souls that are a joy and trust me with their lives and I am safe. So yeah, if this is all my life ever is, I’m OK with it’. Experiencing being OK with life essentially means finding things to be grateful for and feeling it fully within your heart. And by being grateful, you are thanking God for this life He has given you and He responds in kind by sending more things into your life to be grateful for. The more grateful you are, the more peace you feel, and the better human you will be in the world.

Being OK with life as is, again even if there are things that totally suck, will help to free you from those things that suck. When you hate your whole life because of a handful of IMG_5738sucky things instead of being OK with it all because there’s also good stuff, you end up creating all this resistance to the sucky stuff which tends to make it worse, brings more suck your way, keeping you in the suck. When you practice embracing all of it, the resistance to the sucky stuff starts lifting which creates a lot more space for better feeling things to enter your life. It frees up energy that was draining you before- the energy of wishing things were different, the energy of hating what is right now- so that you actually start feeling OK with the day to day. And that energy starts to build into a feeling good momentum that gets you doing things that you really enjoy, or saying No to things you don’t want to do, or asking for what you need, or seeking help, or discovering more magic in the little moments, in the every day.

It’s worth a try to stop for a second in a crappy moment, take a step back and think or say aloud ‘(insert name), if this is all my life ever is, exactly as it is now, can I be OK with that?’ When you are OK with it, you are going to feel stronger, free up so much energy, and God will send more blessings into your life. True story.

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